I think I’m happier now, in general, than I have been for years. There are times when I’m positively joyful, after work walking home with the crowds of people, achieving something really satisfying at work, finding the perfect quiet diner to eat alone in.
There’s so much to love about New York. I think it’s my favourite city in the world.
For those following the romantic exploits of my life, I sent the “breakup” message to the girl I’ve been seeing. She’s replied a couple times, but I only read the first one, and haven’t replied to either.
I also have a date with someone else on Thursday. She seems much more suited to me, though frankly she seems out of my league.
I was sitting in a park at dusk today, then the lamps came on. There was four sets of five lamps and they came on in turn. It got to the last lamp on the last set of five… and it never came on.
I was fixed on that fucking lamp for a solid five minutes waiting for it. I needed it to light up. It never did. I guess it was broken. It was irritatingly hard to walk away from it.
The hotel room is a studio but it’s smaller than the previous apartment: I can reach the fridge from my bed, which is the best place for a fridge.
I also ate dinner tonight in a diner I’ve been eyeing up for a while. Pretty quiet, standard food, friendly staff.
While there, I had another bash at my “breakup” message. I’m still dreading sending it. I don’t think I’ll read her reply, if there is one.
I moved into a hotel in NY today. Work are still paying for it. I then move into my, MY actual place in Brooklyn by Friday.
My girl stayed over last night. Unfortunately she wouldn’t leave until after I’d dropped my stuff off at the new hotel and taken the subway to work, so she knows my new place, but not my room.
In any case, that was the last time I’ll see her. Tonight I’ll have a few drinks and send her the “it’s not you, it’s me,” message.
I feel terrible already.
Started drafting my “breakup” message. I feel terrible already. She’s staying over tomorrow night then I’m sending it the following night, after some liquid encouragement. Then I change accommodation the day after and I’m going to have a fake address ready, in case she asks tomorrow.
"It’s not you, it’s me."
(I’m literally going to use that phrase because I’ve never said it before.)
I’ll start with a compliment to her, then go into a “but”, then I’ll list all of my terrible qualities and reasons why it wouldn’t work between us. And maybe some self-deprecating jokes about me probably ending up alone in a cave with a crab called Crackers. Then maybe end with a compliment to her.
I’m not sure yet whether to wait for her reply, then reply again, or just send it and block/ignore her. The second one’s definitely easier and I don’t change my mind on stuff like this…